I’m at the infamous Nana’s house right now. Well she probably isn’t infamous to new people like Zach so I will explain. Nana is my grandmother, and she is a frequent on this blog because she does a lot of crazy things that deserve documenting. She recently sold her house and is moving to a senior citizen apartment complex 20ish minutes away. The reason I am at her house is because this is probably the last time the whole family will be together in this house. It’s sad. I mean, we’ve been gathering in this house for all the holidays and birthdays for as long as I can remember!
…A lot has happened between that paragraph and this one. My dad came into the study where I was typing and asked me to sign out. I saved the draft and closed my email and walked into the kitchen where my family was sitting discussing something. I sat at the table, not really listening to the conversation where I hear “right Marissa?”
My family has this awful habit of bringing up one of my worst mistakes in a joking manner. This is a mistake I still think about, it used to haunt me in a really bad way, mostly due to all the hype. They bring it up in a joking manner at every family gathering, like it’s the family joke or something. At this particular one, I heard it from 3 other family members before my uncle did it.
I’ve had a lot of experience with “teasing” in my life. I got it from petty girls in middle school, bigger boys in high school, etc. But this was all words. Joking or hurtful words, that I could take. Not only am I passionateforwords, but I know how to protect myself from words. The thing that really gets me is the laughing. When someone laughs at me, something inside of me just hurts so much more. It makes me feel stupid. It makes me feel like people are conspiring against me behind me back, saying hurtful things and laughing about it later. Laughter is the unknown. Words I can desipher, uncode, get over. But laughter? How do you decode laughter? You can’t. That’s why it hurts so much.
I can’t take being derailed by my family for a mistake I suffered from plenty on my own. The constant jokes, the constant “oh, were just teasin’ ya”, the constant laughter? I can’t take it. So, being the blubbering sensitive girl that I am, I said, “how would you feel if I threw your mistakes back in your face?” That would be a good comeback, except for the fact that my voice cracked on the last word.
I walked out of the house and cried in the car until my dad came out and took us home.
I know I present myself as this happy, optimistic girl who always has a smile and you know what? That’s true. But what is underneath it is that I have some bad days, and I can’t just scooch over those as if they never happened. I want to be honest with you guys.
I know you guys aren’t clicking on the music links. 
If you had clicked, all of your asses would be hankroll’d. So I’ll stop linking to the songs, but I’m still going to record them here. Even if you guys aren’t that into it. =] I really appreciate the music suggestions! Keep ‘em coming!
Today’s song: Do It Again by Stoke 9. Quite the … advanced song, if you catch my teenage drift.
5 Comments
July 5, 2009 at 10:11 pm
Oh, M-Dawg, I’m so completely sorry. You never told me about that. Jerks. I’m sorry they ruined your last night at Nana’s. Did your dad understand? (If you don’t mind me asking)
I hope you’re doing alright. I hope tomorrow cheers you up!
HP FTW, Ho! 
July 5, 2009 at 10:12 pm
Isn’t family just great? It’s good that you told them how it bothered you though. Most people would just let it slide and laugh. Hopefully they won’t bring it up anymore. My mom loves to bring up humilating storys up of me, then after me begging to the point of tears for her to not say them, she tells me to go in the other room so I just won’t hear her tell them. But it also sounds like what i’m teased for is pretty petty compared to whatever you are being embarresed about. I’m glad you personally have gotten over it and hopefully your family will relise that and get over it too.
July 5, 2009 at 11:36 pm
Thanks for telling me about the infamous Nana’s house. And it sucks that your family laughs at you and says mean things.
I got/get made fun of kinda a lot at school because I tend not be so much into sports/outdoors/hunting/average guy things because I live with my mom and don’t really do any of that stuff. I’m also pretty emotional for a guy. I have really bad anxiety problems sometimes so I will just get hung up on one certain thing someone says for days on end. But yeah most of my friends don’t know that about me because I present myself as optimistic and always happy.
So yeah, I like reading your blog.
And have fun at that Harry Potter exhibit.
I’m going to see the new Harry Potter at the midnight showing IN IMAX! So excited! XD
July 6, 2009 at 12:26 am
That’s terrible. D:
The way I see it awesome people support awesome people because we’re all trying to make sure everyone stays happy and well awesome.
It seems like it’s always the happy optimistic people who are spat at.
And maybe that’s why, because everyone thinks we’re so happy that we can’t be hurt. I’m sorry about the family thing, but we support you!
Song Suggestion: One of my favorite songs is “Since March Since September and Still” by the Mudbloods. If you haven’t listened to it already you should.
August 19, 2009 at 7:50 pm
Amen, sister! Whoever invented the saying, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” probably had never been on the other end of the insult.
It’s cool to get to know another side of you, Marissa, one that I didn’t know existed. I’m confident you’re not an android sent from Mars anymore ^_^