new beginnings (new blog).

I blogged tonight. But it wasn’t on here, on this blog, on Funny Bursts of Creativity. I’ve discussed this before, but I just find it really hard to blog on this particular blog. Even though I’ve had it for a year and a half and it’s been through BEDA and 2 BEDJs and it’s seen the good and the bad and the ugly and all that, it just feels too different to write in here anymore. Times change and people change and blogs should be able to change with the person, but I just can’t do it. I don’t know why, but I’m tired of fighting it. I’m just tired.

It’s hard to know where I’m getting at, even late at night when everyone is in bed and my thoughts can finally formulate themselves into something legible to others, and even I don’t know a lot of the time. But it felt so wonderful to take all of these thoughts I’ve been having tonight, and put them into physical sentences, paragraphs, a piece of writing unique to anything I have ever written before. Which is something I haven’t been able to do lately, for whatever reason. I guess it’s because I feel so different lately, so different from that person associated with this blog. And I’ve been so hesitant in starting a new one because of the memories it carries, the people who read but don’t comment, even the number of views. But now that I’m thinking about it, it’s not going anywhere. I’m not deleting it.

It’s time to move on. When something isn’t helping me anymore, why stick with it because it’s familiar? I need not be a hypocrite and take my own advice in all parts of my life. So here’s to moving on!

If you wish to continue to read my crazy ramblings and twisted insights into life, take a travel over to http://www.boobjob12.blogspot.com? Oh yeah, that’s right, I’m going to try Blogger for a bit (or, er, again). An all-new M with an all-new blogging website to boot. Hellz yeah!

PS. Once having transferred this post from TextEdit to actual wordpress, posting this is kind of… sad. It’s like I’m ending this huge part of my life. But then again, I’m starting something all new too. So it all works out in the end. I’m happy. I swear.

goodbye BEDJ 2010.

Whew, I made it. I made it to the last day of BEDJ without cheating or forgetting a day or kicking any walls. And while I’ll be glad to have more freedom at night, I’ll miss the force of BEDJ to write. I’m sure I’ll do it next year, because it really is fun most of the time, and I’ve found you grow closer with those who read/comment and that’s such a happy feeling, and I’m looking forward to next year. Thank you to anyone who has read or commented during this whole thing, I really so appreciate it. 🙂

I’m writing this at 1:28pm, which I’m pretty sure is the earliest I have ever done BEDJ during this entire month. But this is becasue I am leaving my house at 6 or so to sleep over at my freinds house and in the morning… camping! I have all of my stuff packed up, minus a few odds and ends to pick up at my dad’s house later. I have my pillow and comforter and jammies and clothes and shoes and towels and toiletries and all of the little things you wouldn’t think of needing. Like a towel. I so would have forgotten that if my friend hadn’t told me to bring one. But my list is incredibly awesome, printed out from the computer and crossed off all over with red sharpie, and I have it all planned out down to what I’m wearing today and tomorrow and sdfkdfgrandomletterssnds I am really freaking excited.

I’ve never been camping before, so I have no idea what the experience is going to be like. We’re bringing our bikes and I’m bringing my high tops because I don’t have boots and we’re going to go on nature walks and sit by the water and read and draw and they bought so many snacks and sodas for the occasion and I’m bringing bananagrams and… eek. Oh, and I’m not sure if I’ve ever addressed this before, but my friend (the one I’m camping with) and I are basically on the same brainwave and we have what I’m pretty sure is about three million inside jokes, so playing taboo is the easiest and most fun thing in the whole world for us. We partner up and go against her mom and her mom’s boyfriend and totally school them. And they’re bringing it and we will own. Mark my words. And when I get back, I’ll be sure to blog all about the experience. M vs. Nature… who will win?! Mwuahaha.

I really want a pair of slippers for my dad’s house. And not those big fuzzy ones, because I have like six pairs of those at my mom’s and they always fall off my feet. I want a pair that is like hard on the bottom and looks like a clog and has fuzzy insides, just so I can put on my jammies and pad around the house, feeling ultra cool. I think I’ll ask for a pair for my birthday. In November, I’m going to be 17. That’s really crazy, because 17 is… old. Almost an adult. I do not feel like I’m almost an adult. That is basically insane. I mean, I don’t really feel like a kid, but I feel… maybe 15 or something. I don’t feel like an almost adult , who should drive and have a job and go to college and eventually graduate and marry and have babies and it’s just weird. I don’t know, maybe I’m crazy for thinking that.

Well, this is it. The end of BEDJ. The last song of the day. The last time I’ll hit the publish/schedule button in July. Crazy shiz, yo. Here’s to another full month of summer! *cheers* The song of the day is the Levan Polkka. Just… click this.

sour to silly.

My mood is sour. I do not like when my mood is sour, but it is. And I can’t even blog about it because I promised my mom last summer after this huge debacle that I wouldn’t talk about her in a negative light anymore, and I, for one, do not go back on promises, so I’m not going to talk about it. Even though I really want to. Oh god, I really want to. This is frustrating, and I kind of want to fuck up someone’s face. Okay, no more violence, I’m sorry.

Okay, I like guacamole. A lot. Tonight I went out to dinner with my friend, who I am not going camping with and am going to miss a lot because she’s going on a trip too, and we went to our favorite Mexican restaurant and it’s so good. You can order “tableside” guacamole, where a kind Mexican woman comes by and prepares the guacamole in front of you, in this rock bowl, and it’s insanely cool. And really good too, the perfect amount of salt/spice/avocado. I love it. And I also love cows, and my friend texted me this morning, “COWS!!!” and it totally started my day off right. The fact that he saw them and thought of me and texted me just made me so happy and… cows are obviously text worthy. I love them with all my soul. I’m really excited to go to the state fair next week and see all of the animals. And eat all of the fattening food and ride in the SkyGlyder and show my almost-fair-virgin friend the cool places to go and such. Except this year I don’t get to go with Nora, which is really sad.

I’m going to get a pair of yellow converse for the new school year because of Bananagrams. Also because of Ashley, who says that my color is yellow, and I love her and it’s her birthday today. Happy Birthday, Ashlizzle. ❤ I love that game still. I think I have addicted a total of 7 or so people to that game, which makes me so deliriously happy. I really think it brings people together. But maybe that's corny and cheesy and untrue. I don't care, I'm going to think it. Cuz I can. Wow, I feel a lot better now. I like blogging. It can make me feel so much better, even if I'm being goofy and not really talking about anything of importance. I'll miss how something I am really not feeling can turn into something that really helps me. I'm still going to blog though, probably quite often.

Do you remember how I told you guys about seeing too much penis on Omegle Video? I definitely have penis on the mind now. At dinner with my friend, I think I accidentally brought up penises like 9 different times. One time I sang a song about if you don't wash your hands after using the bathroom, I will chop off your penis and put it in a stew, and I didn't even realize it until she repeated it back to me. And then we had a 30 minute conversation about what she would do if she woke up one morning with a penis. (Her answer: go back to bed and hope it's a dream.) So I am going to make the song of the day My Dick by Mickey Avalon. N-Dawg introduced me to that song when I was staying with her and it's hilarious. I go around town singing it. "My dick, good good lovin', your dick, good for nothin'." You know it's true, bitches.

sleeeeeeep.

Would it be really cheap to tell you that my head hurts and I’m physically and emotionally exhausted and leave it at that and go to sleep? My vote is yes, which is why I have to blog. But my head really hurts and I can barely see because I have smudges all over my glasses from dogs and being beaten up and just everything that happened this week and it’s over, my week is over, and I just want to collapse at 11pm, happy and warm and smelling of bug repellent, but I can’t, because it’s BEDJ and I have to blog. This is a reason that I’m not as sad to see BEDJ go. Sometimes it’s hard to come home after doing the same thing (yet very different) as you did the day before and try and think of new things to talk about. Especially when I’m thoroughly worn out. But I do like the flow and writing about things that are on my mind, so BEDJ is truly all worth it. 🙂

My lips have been chapped for days now, and while I think I might have mentioned it before, I’m going to talk about it right now. It sucks to have chapped lips in July. Absolutely sucks. I mean, what’s the excuse? There is no dry winter air to blame it on. And I don’t even know the reason. I just keep a cherry carmex in my pocket at all times and whip it out as need be, but it just kind of sucks. It’s summer, I don’t want to worry about burning lips and flaking skin and having unusually shiny lips a lot of the time! I just don’t.

I feel really bad saying this, but holy oh my god, I am so tired. And I am having a lot of trouble concentrating. So I think I’m going to compile a list of some things I love about sleep to force myself to sleep right after I post this and change into jammies. And because I was reading some old blogs earlier and Liz said she loved list blogs. So here we go.

1. I love when it’s cool and you’re sleeping. Whether it’s cool outside or cool from a fan or air conditioning, I love sleeping on a cool pillow with cool sheets around you and just being able to squeeze the pillow and sigh in cool contentness.

2. I love my snuggly wiener dog. How she’s snuggly at the end of the bed, leaning kind of against my feet, or by my torso and being snuggly in my blankets but not being too close and getting me too warm. Or when it’s too cold outside and the covers are a little lacking in warmth and she curls up right beside me and keeps me warm throughout the night.

3. Sleeping in. I absolutely hate having to wake up early and I am really bad at it. I’ve always been really bad at it. I just love when you look at the clock and it’s 8am on a Saturday and you actually say to yourself, sometimes out loud, “fuck yes” because you know you can sleep until you’re not tired anymore, 10, or even 11. I love that feeling.

And now I have finished my blog and it’s time to go succumb to all of those feelings. Thank you for reading this sleepy post, friends. 🙂 The song of the day is Run, Joey, Run by the Glee Cast because that song is hilariously good. And now, goodnight!

early bloggin’.

I’m totally going to try and blog at 9:30pm. I’m home in enough time to do that, and I really want to. I kind of want to sign out of the computer after this and just pack for my camping trip and call Nora again and drink caffeine free diet coke. I don’t really know why, I’m just not feeling the urge to spend a lot of time on the computer tonight. I feel a little bad about it, but I kind of want to take some time for myself. Or try and go to bed early, because I really need to try and reverse these awful sleep patterns. But I’m really having trouble focusing, I keep trying to respond to emails and am tempted to text people. Like just now, I went to respond to a Facebook message. Okay, this isn’t interesting, I’m going to flee from this topic now.

Omegle Video is disgusting. All it is is penis. I do not want to see so much penis. My friend is addicted to it and I’ve been bringing my laptop over to his house and all he wants to do is “omarg? organ? omageel?” Omegle Video and it’s all penis. I do not want to see so much penis. Penis, penis, penis. Big and small and hairy and I am so sick of it. I don’t want to become emotionally scarred to the point of where whenever I close my eyes, all I see are packages. Have you ever been to it? It’s disgusting. I mean, there are occasionally some interesting people, and I’ll admit, it can be kind of fun to tell people you’re from Cuba and such, but too much penis. For example, I just went on there to see if I could back up my claims with an immediate!penis story, and guess what I saw? Not a penis, but a full-fledged naked body. Yayyy. Goodbye Omegle.

I’m really cold, except I’m too lazy to get up and turn the AC down. I’m so dumb and lazy and for some reason, I’m struck by this odd sense of melancholy. Which makes me not want to do anything, let alone write this or move. But whatever, power through, I’ll get over it. I had a really nice day today, actually, except it was one of those days where five hours seemed to go by in like… an hour. Which is kind of sucky when it’s something fun and it’s summer and you don’t want it to be over. Everything today seemed to go by really quickly, which is actually really unsettling. For example, the past 33 minutes that I’ve been writing this seemed to go by in about five. And it’s kind of freaking me out because another four minutes just went by and I have no idea where they went. I don’t like this feeling at all, it feels like my life is slipping through my fingers or something, which is kind of dumb because it’s one day. But still… I don’t like it.

My song of the day is one that is kind of embarrassing, maybe not, I don’t know, but I don’t usually like top 40ish music, but Ashley sent me the song Teenage Dream by Katy Perry (she’s the girl who sang about kissing a girl and liking it right?) and it’s really good. I was listening to my Recently Added songs on iTunes and it kept playing and now I’m listening to it on repeat. *blushes* But it’s actually really good. I suggest checking it out, it’s quite catchy. 😉

PS. Blogged by 10:09! Fuck yeah!

blue and purple pinky toe.

Today, my stupid friend thought it would be wise to push me over as we were leaving his room to go like, eat or something, where I tripped over his shoes and landed on his bed, but not before stubbing (more like stabbing) my toe on the very metal heel of his tracht shoe. I yelled at him and rolled off the bed, clutching my toe, but after that I didn’t give him much flack, even though my toe was hurting basically all day. When I got home, I took off my (new earthy purple!) sock and my pinky toe on my left foot is purple and blue. But my question is this: is it bad that I don’t really mind this injury? I mean, it hurts when I poke at it or crinkle my toes, but it’s not that bad and it’s completely manageable. And I kind of like how things like that remind you of the day it happened or how it happened or a person it happened with. I hope that doesn’t sound creepy or weird or anything, but I like that kind of thing. Even though it’s yellowish and long and gross looking, I love this long and skinny burn scar on my right arm because it reminds me of three of my best friends. I got it one night we were hanging out, burned it on a pan of fries that just got taken out of the oven. And scratching mosquitoes I got on dog walks or at fireworks gives me the same kind of memory-jog thing that sort of makes it all worth it.

I want to apologize for my post yesterday, that thing was complete and utter crap. I mean, it started off nice enough, but when it wasn’t being boring and monotonous about my day, it was crazy off-the-hinges, blubbering about loving Bananagrams or something like that. (As if I don’t do that enough as it is.) I haven’t had any time to read it back properly besides skimming it over really quickly because I just got home at 11 or so and had to get ready for bed and draw a little bit and then sat down to write this. But I still know it was crapola crayola.

I feel like my summer is broken up into these parts, and some feel more normal than others. There are the days I spend home alone at my dad’s, which do not feel normal at all, kind of like I’m just passing the time until when the real fun starts to happen. There are the days that I spend alone at my mom’s house, which is every Friday, and that feels normal because it’s a very scheduled thing. And that feels like a real summer day. And then there are the days I spend with three of my best friends, a group of sorts that I’m apart of, and those are really fun except they sort of feel like outings, events, big shindigs that don’t feel really normal, although I do like them at all. Of course, there is the time I spend chillin’ on Skype with my online buddies, which feels very summery and extremely normal. But the summeriest part of all is the time I spend with my friend, the one I mentioned earlier. We do all of these new and exciting things like cooking and summer homework and walking our dogs and laying on playground bridges and naming stars, and it just feels so summerish. I love it and I missed it and I’m so glad it’s back. My question: what is your favorite part of summer?

PS. Song of the day is Crash Into Me by Dave Matthews. Hnggg.

jumbled words in my brain.

The thing that I love today is that I don’t have to write an entry of all of the things I love to make me feel better. I had a really nice day today, even though I woke up at 12 or so, and had a really hard time getting out of bed. Which is a problem. But I’m going to try and go to bed by 1 because I have to get up at 10 because I’m going over to my friend’s house to make lunch (I got my cooking buddy back! I’m so excited!) and do some of our summer homework and then, once we finish, reward ourselves with watching the Parent Trap, one of our most favorite movies. But I’m not talking about my day today, I’m talking about tomorrow. Which is bad, it’s naughty. I had a headache a little while ago and I took some Tylenol PMs because I thought they might help me sleep on the bed better so now I’m having a lot of jumbled words in my brain if you understand my drift.

I think I don’t have anybody understand what’s going on at the moment, because they’re all yelling at me for being a pelican. I mean, well, you know. So today I had a really nice day because I woke up and watched the appropriate amount of Jon & Kate Plus 8 before taking myself into the shower. And when I say appropraite, I mean like one episode. And then I showered. Legitimately showered. Sometimes I have no motivation and just sit there like a lump for hours upon hours. I don’t know what was in my mind today, I just had all of this freaky motivation and no-patience-for-laziness-or-sulkiness and I showered and watched more Jon & Kate and I ate some lunch. And then when I felt like I had sat in my chair for too long, I got on my bike and ran an errand. And then I took a chance in life and love and had a wonderful, peaceful evening. I don’t know, it was like there was something in my hair that day. I mean, something in the air that day.

I think taking those Tylenol PMs was a bad idea because I am sitting here looking around my computer at the Skype and the Facebook and trying to write this and it’s really hard because I know hwat I want to say but I just can’t, like it really doesn’t come out of my brain right, and it’s really frustrating. All of my energy is being put into spelling things right. I can’t spell or talk and I think my grammar moved to Guam and I’m just very confused. I’m sorry this blog is bad and I’m sorry I’m bad and I’m going to do better for tomorrow. The song of the day is Christmas Wish by ALL CAPS because the lovely Liz sent me that album and she kicked my butt at Bananagrams today. And for that, I miss her and love her. Goodnight, blogisphere, until we meet another day!

I love.

I love how I feel super dorky in these flowered capri pajama pants. I love how cold and sweet this orange peach mango juice is, and how cute it is in the little clear plastic cup I have on my desk. I love Bananagrams and how when I close my eyes, I see tiles and they just start making words on their own, and words appear in my mind and start rearranging into other words, and it makes me feel like I have this mega vocab brain. I don’t love a lot of things tonight, I’m feeling a little melancholy again, but I’ve decided that I want to immerse myself in lovely thoughts, so I’m going to use my blog time to do that. And I hope you’ll share some of the things you love lately? Even the silly things?

I love my in-window air conditioner and my new socks that are so many colors, vibrant and earthy. I love my newfound style and how comfortable I often am. I love the nights where shuffle seems to do everything it’s supposed to and all of the songs sound kind of sweet and possessing pretty melodies. I love how tumblr can be mundanemundanemundane and then suddenly you find a gem and it makes your night. I love how I can make myself laugh with the stupidest shit like saying, “I don’t have any arms” because I’m too lazy to type out, “I don’t have any pictures with my arms in them.” I love how loud that darn sunchips bag at my mom’s house is and how sneaky I have to be when getting out the Triscuits past bedtime. I love Jon & Kate Plus 8, even when it’s sad and they’re fighting. I love pizza from our favorite restaurant, hot and greasy, needing so many paper towels. I also love it for breakfast.

I love cheese and sparkly beverages and sandwiches. I love hair mousse and dress shirts and scrunchy sweatshirts and new belts and sexy underwear and hair clips. I love red headphones and loud music and dog walks and perhaps even school sometimes. I love cherry chopstick (except not when kissing a girl) and blue sharpies. I love this blog and the people who take the time to comment and the way I feel when I’m done writing it, like I’m helping sort myself out in this crazy world full of crazy people and their crazy happenings. I love pulling pranks on people. I love my friends and my family and I really love my dogs. I love all animals. I love owls and drawing and reading.

I love Owl City, just like I did last summer. I love how inspirational and optimistic every single one of his songs are. I love how each of Adam’s songs can remind me of some specific memory from last summer, random ones and silly ones and sad ones and every one in between. I love how he probably still is my favorite musical artist because we’ve been through more than The Shins and I have. I love how Vanilla Twilight literally causes me to scream the lyrics out loud and The Saltwater Room still sparks much discussion of which version is better. I love that I will always think the Ocean Eyes version is better because of that one second where he basically cooes, “ohallthetime.” I love that that is so obviously the song of the day.

I love this post, although it was actually quite hard to write. I love that I don’t care that it was almost a full hour of pure blog concentration. I just love it.

buttcrack cake.

How gross would buttcrack cake be? I’m not really sure what I’m talking about right now, because I’m finding it really hard to focus. Which isn’t unusual, I’m usually doing a million other things while blogging, but tonight my attention just keeps straying from what I’m supposed to be talking about, and even as I write this, I’m not sure what I’m saying or why I’m saying it, it keeps pouring out of my fingers like some weird kind of weirdness and I’m really confused as to what’s currently happening. That was one hell of a run-on sentence. I put on my hat and turned out the lights in some hope that that would make me focus a little bit better. So far it’s not really working. Oh god, this isn’t even writer’s block, it’s like brain block. I hate this. Run away, brain demons a foot! “Lolololol.” Oh my god, I need to flee. But I can’t flee from a blog where I’ve only written 164 words! That’s illegal, so very illegal.

I’m starting to realize that my sleep patterns are even more messed up than I had originally thought. I slept until 2pm today. I made the mistake of not setting a cautionary 11am alarm, and I woke up and it was 1:56pm. I was just so disgusted with my self. Half of the day is gone. I sort of just felt guilty. For the day that I had missed. Which I suppose it kind of weird, but I don’t really care. I felt guilty for it. But it actually turned out okay because I had an actual productive day. I sorted out most of my clothes, folding and organizing wise, and then I spent like four hours at my neighbor’s house, which is something I haven’t done in a long time because I just kind of grew up and grew away from them. It was awkward at first and I kept wanting to flee, but I didn’t. We ate pizza and talked and it was actually really nice. And it felt good to be around people besides my parents. All of my friends have been busy lately, at festivals or at jobs, and although next week I’ll go back to having people to hang out with and things to do, I had sort of a lame and boring week. I mean, the first day or two alone were good, but after a while… being cooped up in a house by yourself with nothing but Bananagrams and Jon & Kate Plus 8 can begin to drive you mad. So I’m feeling a lot more sane and tuned into the social world again. Which is very refreshing.

I’m not really sure what’s wrong with me, but I am sort of getting that itch for fall. And for school to start. And I keep internally kicking myself because I hate homework and having to sit in class for hours on end, bored out of my mind, but I miss certain things like jeans and sweaters and opening my locker and seeing people I’m not close enough to to see in the summer. I miss the people I ate lunch with and the feeling of a weekend you truly earned by kicking your own ass all week and… I don’t know. It’s weird and I know I should be enjoying my summer, but I just get these pangs for school sometimes. Plus, I wanna show off my new style. 😉 Anyway, the song of the day is Love and Affection by Neon Trees and if I song could be delicious, this would be it.

frozen peas.

Frozen peas are quite possibly my favorite snack ever. I don’t really know why, I just like them. Put a bunch of those little frozen freaks into a bowl and hunker down with some tv and just chow. They’re healthy and cold and perfect for a summer’s day, and they’re one of those snacks that taste better while you’re in your pajamas. I just finished a bowl, and now my tummy is sloshing all around as I type this on my belly, feet in the air. The toes are free from their socks and wiggling about. I totally just looked up and saw their shadow being broadcasted on the wall and they are all fidgety. Oh lord, I don’t know what’s really happening to me, but those peas are making me feel awfully silly. I want to make something all of a sudden. In the kitchen. I haven’t seen my favorite cooking buddy in like two weeks and so I haven’t really made anything, and I’m starting to get the itch. Would it be funny if I made pesto at like 1am? I’d have to be so quiet. But I had pesto like two nights ago. Or ramen? But that’s not really “making” anything. I’d totally make brownies if 1) I wasn’t saving them or 2) the smell wouldn’t wake up my dad. Hmmm… I’ll figure it out.

I’m back at my dad’s house after spending 1.5 days at my mom’s, and I’m really glad to be back. I really actually like my mom’s house because my mom’s been in a good mood lately and Lucy and Sammy are there and the tv and my nice room, but I’ve missed that feeling that comes with being in biking distance of most of your friends. And tomorrow I’m going to take another one of those dog walks I’ve been talking about. And I may even walk in the afternoon, in broad daylight. And I kind of just love how peaceful everything is here. It’s just this kind of indescribable peace and worry-free environment (I mean, worries such as family problems or anxiety-induced ghosts, I still worry about things here, obviously. life doesn’t stop for M’s dad’s house) that I was really glad to come back to.

Oh lord, my song, Taking the Punishment, just came up on iTunes shuffle and before I realized what it was, I started humming along. And then I started singing, I mean, the singing of myself, on the track. And then I felt dumb. And now I’m kind of starting to realize that I miss my collab channel. I made a video this week and all, but it’s not the same as when everyone made videos and we had theme weeks and all of that. But I used to view the whole thing completely differently, so I can understand that not everyone would want to go back to daily, required videos. And sometimes having to do something completely takes the fun out of it. And it’s not like I don’t talk to my channelmates, I mean, I play banangrams with half of them on a regular basis and one of them is my best friend so we talk quite frequently and the other one I’m talking to right now, but still. I kind of miss the whole collab channel unity feeling. Or maybe this song is just making me feel nostalgic. I don’t really know. But when I wasn’t stressing over it, making and watching daily sexymacaroni videos was always fun. So, I pick my song for song of the day. Even if that’s totally cocky or something.